Reality

There are days when I'm tempted to think that I'm not sure I want to be this girl. Not cut out to be her. When the rubber meets the road, not brave enough. Not unselfish enough. Not enough.

I don't feel like spending another long night alone with a crying baby and five little ones 500 yards or so from where (I was just told yesterday) there is still some fighting going on. I don't feel like trying to be substitute Mommy for five little people who are not my own. Or trying to lead worship and keep it interesting while juggling a squalling Jabe along with three squirmy two-year-olds...forget the guitar! Bedtime and five spankings later for precious little JooJoo and I'm struggling to not loss all patience.... I don't want to handle finances. I don't feel like giving up what I had expected to be my alone time to instead be with someone who may have expectations.

And I could go on down the list....

But my reality is that I wouldn't trade my place in life for the world (quite literally...) I may not be enough, but He is much more than enough.

We romanticize mission work. Quite bluntly, it's not easy. And much of the time it's not fun. It often makes me quite uncomfortable and it challenges me ridiculously. And it has absolutely nothing to do with perfect people. (Were you to come over here you would very quickly discover that.) But rather with a compassionate and challenging God with a heart only to bring true love - His love - into the lives of us, a fallen people. It is amazing. And it is life changing. Seeing God at work.....foremost in myself. So much joy.

The biggest miracle I view everyday is right in my own heart.

I think of these as the best days of my life.