"If a commission by an earthly king is considered an honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"
-David Livingstone

March 17, 2012

Tonight my heart is heavy. Heavy with thoughts of the pain in this world. Heavy with the picture of a tiny swaddled bundle with a tag on it waiting for the morgue. Heavy with the knowing that parents can abandon their own child. Heavy with thoughts of the healthy, dimpled, and cooing 4-month-old little girl that should be.
And, honestly, I want to ask why.
God, why did You lead this precious little one to my doorstep and to my heart when You knew she would die? When You knew that I would care and hope and pray? God? How much heartbreak is enough?
And I don’t know.
What I do know is that when you taste death and pain. . . this world is no longer a comfortable place. We long for home.
And I have to remember that I am not here in this world to shield myself from pain and the reality of that pain. I am here to embrace it and those in the midst of it. I am here to love - to serve.
I have accepted that the answers to so many of my questions lie – so safely - only in the heart of our merciful God. And I am content to leave them there. Honestly, I fear for what I, with my limited understanding, would do with some of those answers. . .
Now we see dimly. Someday we'll know. Until then I will remember in the midst of all this that this world is not my home.

 “This world is full of suffering, but it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
 –Helen Keller


  1. Amen. Jesus knew pain too. He still knows it. I can't imagine what it must be like. But we are told that we, after looking back on our lives, wouldn't have anything different. Praise God! Praying for you guys over there, keep looking up. :-)

  2. Maria

    You are one of the strongest and most caring women I know in this world. My life seems so easy compared to yours. Many times I too, do not understand the why, but trusting in God and what He is doing is all we can do. Continue your walk with Him. You are an amazing woman. Rodney

  3. Oh Maria, I'm so sorry to hear of about Moo Suh Ghey. I would have loved to have known her. My heart aches. You're right--this world is not our home and it wasn't Moo Suh Ghey's home either. I thank God for the way He's been using you to shine His love to a dark world, both when your heart is full and when it is completely breaking. Continue to cling to God, my dear friend. I am praying for you! I wish I could give you the biggest hug in person---and I will, have no doubt, in May.